regret!

So a few weeks ago I met a guy we’ll call the Usheralike down at Forbidden City. That means he looks and dances like Usher. I was absolutely hypnotized by his feet. We danced for two hours and made out on the dance floor – and that’s something I haven’t done in years. Or rather, have tried to avoid.

He’s a nice guy. He called almost every day after that, and I didn’t have the time or energy to see him. I meant to call him early this week, once I recovered from my sister being here and from the various activities (rager house party, for example) that make up my Los Angeles existence. I just kept getting distracted.

Now that I’ve called him, it turns out he’s shipping out to the Middle East in ten days, and now I actually regret that I didn’t call sooner, didn’t give him more of a chance, didn’t make the time, find the energy. I should have. Now, there isn’t the time.

I suppose this teaches me a lesson. I’ve always downplayed guys who ask me out, put them off, kept them away. I’ve run them off by being too busy. And the more I talk to the Usheralike, the more I realize – I do want the chance to know him a bit better, beyond being some guy I picked up in a club. I want to be able to give him that chance, but now he’s shipping out to the dumbest war of my generation.

I also suppose there’s a moral to all this about being Too Cynical, about Not Trying, but I don’t feel like going into it.

I have a karaoke party to go to in a couple hours, at which I will get loaded and belt out Madonna songs. And in between then and now, I have to go home, wash my hair & straighten it, hit Trader Joe’s for groceries, clean my room. I have another college friend visiting the Casa Mar Vista Home for Wayward UBC Alumni, another wacky Canadian, and have to prepare. I don’t have time or energy to be sad about this. And yet – I am. It’s an opportunity lost, a chance gone, memories that won’t happen. It might not have gone anywhere beyond a first date, or it might have been someone I liked, and I won’t ever find out because I took too long to call.

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