it’s tuesday

I have been remarkably sin-free the last forty days. I haven’t been drinking. Well, except for one glass of wine at a client dinner (really bad day). I haven’t been buying cigarettes, so that means I really haven’t been smoking. I’ve been going to the gym. I haven’t been making out with random guys at parties, but that probably connects right back to the “not drinking” thing.

Then I realized that my self-imposed state of sobriety expires this weekend.

The weird thing is, it worked. I don’t crave alcohol in social situations anymore. Usually, in situations where I’d be drinking, like on a Saturday night with friends, I’d start craving vodka martinis. But for the last couple weekends…I really haven’t.

Hm.

Now, the question is – do I really want to break that? Or do I want to challenge myself to see if I can dance on speakers and socialize at a party and make out with random guys while stone cold sober? For most girls, the challenge is to not drink so they don’t act stupid – for me, the challenge is to prove that I will STILL act like an idiot without alcohol in my system, because that means I don’t need alcohol to have fun.

I mean, my instinctual reaction is, “of course I want to get drunk! it’s my house party!”. But why? Why is my immediate reaction that the party will be THAT MUCH MORE FUN if I’m drinking? Why do I have to have alcohol in my bloodstream to make an event more enjoyable?

I am, under no circumstances, repeating the last Saturday morning I woke up after one of our house parties. THAT wasn’t pretty. But even with moderation – why do I have this association in my mind that alcohol = a good time? Why is it that I still feel, after forty days, like I have more fun when drinking?

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